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Welcome to the fifth installment of The Law Is A Ass! I think this is the longest
we've gone without an update (um, about 3 years?) Yes I know this was supposed to be
updated WEEKLY, what can I say, things have been a little busy lately. Not to
mention the fact that our feelings were a little hurt after all the negative feedback from
our last update (everyone hates poetry, I guess). If anyone from Westlaw or Lexis
reads this and wants to help out with a complimentary account so we can research these
cases, please let us know and we'll advertise your
company! Of the five following cases, you have to decide which are real and which
are the product of an overactive imagination. Click on the gavel next to each case
to find out if you were right. Enjoy!
All of the poetry below is the actual
text of the opinion.
||This Judge was feeling a little frisky after watching the Mike Myers flick
Wayne's World too many times, so he decided to announce his denial of the
defendant's motion under the heading "NOT!", saying the motion was "not
worthy", and told the litigants to "party on" in state court.
||After much deliberation, a United States District Court denied a
plaintiff's "Motion to Kiss My Ass" filed with that court.
||The complaint says that the plaintiff was taken to the Eye, Ear and Speech
Clinic in Newark, while in custody, and that the State of New Jersey there unlawfully
injected him in the left eye with a radium electric beam. As a result, he claims that
someone now talks to him on the inside of his brain. He asks money damages of $12 million.
||In this case, a man is charged with driving a vehicle while under the
influence of alcohol. The twist? The "vehicle" is a camel. You
know, one of those big yellow animals named after the cigarette company.
||The defendant in this case testified that the reason why she struck the
plaintiff's truck with her automobile was simply because she knew that God was driving her
car, and more importantly, she knew that if she accelerated into the truck, she would be
able to fly because Batman is able to fly.